±±¾©Èü³µpk10

My heart will give out

Bitch is perfectly aware that Tim Bleakley, the chief executive of out of home specialists Ocean Outdoor can spin a yarn along with the best in media , but even Bitch was confused when she overheard him use the word "frigate", outside the confines of a normal negotiation with a media owner.

Turns out it was actually used in the non-swearing context (makes a change Bleakers), as at the weekend the Manchester United superfan was out with his team sailing the Solent, and living up to the company name, on behalf of UKSA (the UK Sailing Academy), when a Libyan naval vessel hoved into view of the salty old sea dog and his team’s yacht, almost giving the crew a collective heart attack.

Well, looks like the boys (well, men of a certain age, who should know better) had a good time anyway, if this photo is anything to go by. Very Leo DiCaprio lads. One, two, three, "you’re here, there’s nothing I fear..."

And Bitch thought she knew all the camp men...

However, Bitch has been told that the après events were a little more lively, with Bleakers taking the crew out for some drinks to celebrate the day's events, where he was subject to his first experience of the infamous Jagerbomb.

According to one of Bitch's sources Bleakers, "won't be doing another one again" any time soon.

Poetry lesson

Bitch has received word from bon viveur and publishing magnate Felix Dennis following what (even she has to admit) was quite a ham-fisted dissection of his News International related poem "Oh, do not call them vultures..."

Writing a more eloquent letter than Bitch is used to receiving, Felix said:

Dear Media Bitch,

Thanks for printing 'Oh, Do Not Call Them Vultures...' However, poetry is one of my day jobs, you silly billy!

During the last 10 years, over 70,000 people have bought my poetry books — all six of which are still in print.

On my last poetry tour, (England, Scotland, Wales and Eire in 2010), over 4,000 people paid up to £12 per head to hear me read my verse on stage.

The Royal Shakespeare Company has performed my poetry on stage at The Swan Theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon and Gotham Hall in New York City. Both events were sold out.

My poetry has now been anthologised in significant anthologies ('My Life in Verse' published by Penguin Classics, or, say, 'A Breathless Hush' published by Methuen.) These anthologies contained poetry by Eliot, Yates, Tennyson, Frost, Housman, Larkin and a host of others.

If you don’t like my verse, that’s fine. But why not do a little research next time before slapping a tired cliché on the end of your piece?

Yours, Felix Dennis

Bitch remembers only too fondly Felix's barnstorming 2008 tour, 'Did I Mention the Free Wine?' when the publishing legend opened up the contents of his cellar to those who had paid to see him gesticulate at venues including The Shaw Theatre in London where he played to a capacity crowd.

This girl doesn’t always do the Champagne circuit and likes a nice glass of Chateauneuf-du-pape herself, but is reminded in this instance of a quote from Walt Whitman - "To have great poets there must be great audiences too," especially if they are a bit squiffy.

Honestly darling, Bitch likes a man with a bit of passion and the soul of a poet, she meant no offence. Let's kiss and make up.

To make up for it, Bitch will even give your new book. Felix's 'Tales From the Woods' is published by Ebury Press, and is out now.

Omg! It's Cheryl and Posh (sort of)

To up the camp stakes, Bitch felt that she had to get out amongst the "celebs" again, and the launch of the new Yahoo gossip website omg! (Oh My God, for those not hip enough), at the Sanderson Hotel Penthouse suite.

Luckily (and with just 35 key movers and shakers within the industry and Bitch across town at another do) she has her spies and was told that the event went down well, with "Cheryl Cole" and "Victoria Beckham", pictured here with Julia White, editor of omg!

Bitch hears that throughout the evening guests were given the star treatment including mini chair massages, tarot card reading and a gem tattooist, she's sorry she missed it.

Just to sign off, Bitch is considering extending the 30 under 30 Media Week brand (which flags up the young guns in the industry – deadline approaching, so you’d better hurry up http://www.mediaweek.co.uk/news/1073899/Media-Week-begins-hunt-brightest-30-30/) to include those who are already closing in on their Freedom Pass.

However, this girl has just realised that that would exclude one of the "veteran" traders in the industry.

Mr Mark Jarvis of independent agency the7stars step forward…

Apparently "Jarvo" has skived off on holiday to Greece, as this allegedly hard trader is petrified of news of his 50th birthday leaking out to his contacts, but Bitch thinks he secretly wants to and is only too happy to oblige.

You honestly didn't think that you could get away from Bitch did you mister? A man famed for changing out of his Mad Max leathers before a pitch and refusing to give up his motorbike, Bitch could never accuse the agency founder of having a mid-life crisis, as he seems to have been having one for at least the past 10 years.

Happy Birthday Jarvo from Bitch...

Until next time my little media celebrities. Ciao xxx