So, obviously, this is a tricky one. Whatever I say here is not only going to be taken down and used in evidence against me -- it's likely to ruin Birddog's new-business development programme for, well, forever probably.
I'd prefer not to do that for mortgage reasons mainly, so instead of the sweeping and inappropriate stereotypical generalisations normally featured in this column, I thought I'd focus on one specific prospective client that Birddog has been courting for three years (and counting). My thinking is the worst that can happen is I upset one prospective client, but still maintain some semblance of credibility with all the others. Well, that's the theory anyway.
So three years then. Yup, count them -- one, two, three. That's a long time by anyone's conversion cycle. You'd have thought that if a prospect is going to roll over and let you tickle their tummy, three years would be a long enough courtship for that to happen in. I mean the worst you could be up against, surely, is a 12-month delay because you're waiting for the annual agency review to come round. Make a note in the diary, make the call and bingo, you're in the next beauty parade. The absolute end of the world would be, what, 18 months? And that would only be because the prospect has resorted to cliche-speak where they've "just undertaken an extensive agency review and have decided to stick with the incumbent agency which fulfils all their marketing requirements and couldn't possibly provide a better service or improved results because that would make me, the client, look like an arse, which I'm not. I'm sure you understand". Worst case scenario then, 18 months and an arse for a client.
Well no. Apparently not.
Now I'm right into this relationship-building thing. Birddog is an acquired taste that isn't typically acquired overnight. Our business model doesn't work on a stack 'em high, sell 'em cheap basis. We try to stay ahead of the curve by identifying and developing opportunities proactively. So it was no big surprise when we first met... let's call her Keran. Real names are so "yesterday", don't you think?
Anyway, Keran was the marketing director of a well-known IT company selling... actually, who cares? Widgets -- whatever. The point is we had targeted the company, identified Keran as the decision maker we needed and had been sending her various communications materials for a while. So the meter's already running here and we're a few weeks along the prospecting road. Then, naturally, we tried to call her to qualify some level of interest. No point in pursuing her if she had "just undertaken an extensive agency review... blah, blah, blah".
You would not believe how much Keran didn't answer her phone. Months. Seriously. We spent months on call-backs, voicemail, leaving messages, crying and sobbing down the phone. And did that have any effect? Did it heck. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. When I challenged her about this years later, her reply was: "Telephone? Eww. I never use that thing... apart from the 'delete all messages' function every now and again. Do you have any idea how many calls I get from agencies I don't want to speak to offering me services I don't want to hear about?"
Oops.
Eventually, we got hold of Keran's email address. That took months too. "I'm afraid it's against company policy, etc." We lied and got it anyway. Sorry about that.
I'm not afraid to tell you that when we had the email address, I didn't hold back on the content of my first communique. Nor did Keran. The ether was fairly aflame with wit and repartee. Mine mainly. Obviously. That took up another few months, but I eventually beat her into electronic submission and the meeting was set. We're a year into the "relationship", I turn up to the meeting and her opening line was: "Before we start, I just need to tell you that I'm leaving next week." Nice touch!
I resisted the temptation to scream and smiled politely, mentally adding another year on to the conversion process while she settled into the new job. As it turned out, that was just about right. After a year of endless additional calls (never returned) and innumerable emails full of promise and innuendo (I mean, "My kitchen is always open..." -- well, what would you make of it?) we had another meeting. With the whole marketing team in attendance.
You'd have thought that would have done it, right? Nope. The presentation was followed by the kind of silence you only experience in 'High Plains Drifter' with the sand storm and tumble weed. Yeah -- go Birddog.
Turns out that the team wasn't terribly excitable. There's still a question in my mind as to whether they were actually alive. The prospective client was still up for it though. We just had to wait another year while she worked her way through numerous stress-related mental illnesses and eventually left that company (this is the second remember) in order to find a position that might be more creatively fulfilling.
So here we are at the three-year anniversary and not a penny spent. Apart from the lunches. Does this mean we have a really crappy prospect development strategy, or is developing the prospective client relationship prior to conversion more important than the potential financial reward? Buggered if I know, but you just can't go through a three-year evolutionary process like this without boundaries shifting and merging in the most unpredictable ways.
Keran's a friend now. She sure as hell ain't a fee-paying client. You can't have as many lunches and quaff as many chardies as we have without making contact beyond the business platform. I feel great affection for Keran, and she loves me. Well, she loves my mind anyway ("...you can keep the rest of him...").
So here we are on the brink of this actually coming off after three years, and I'm not sure that I want to ruin it all by working with a friend...
...Oh go on then, show me the money.
Scot McKee can be reached here
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