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I sat down to watch this week’s work weighed by the responsibility of writing the year’s first Private View.

I thought I would use the opportunity to set the tone for Private Views to come. I would dispense a hearty dose of pragmatism and benevolence, paving the way for a 2014 made from equal parts of common sense, generosity and encouragement – single-handedly lifting the mood of the British advertising industry in the process.

Then I saw last week’s ±±¾©Èü³µpk10 and realised this wasn’t the first issue. It’s the second, or third, or something. Doesn’t matter – it’s not the first. Well, at least there’s no need for me to be intelligent and helpful, so this should be much easier to write.

The Cadbury film is good fun. One of modern life’s dullest experiences (waiting on hold for a call) turns into a great little moment of joy. It’s well-crafted, with lots of nice little moments and splendid chair choreography. What excites me the most is how it begins to take the brand back to the free and delightful world it created a few years ago, but keeps a certain perspective on the role a chocolate bar plays in people’s days. Or five chocolate bars, in my case.

The Crimestoppers campaign has an interesting premise – it’s a product demonstration for pickpocketing. Across London, people place leaflets in the shape of easily stolen valuables (smartphones, tablets, wallets) inside people’s trouser pockets, bags and backpacks. It’s a neat way to remind people how easy it is to have your stuff taken. It’s also a great example of how much potential for interest any format or medium has, however old and tired it might seem at first.

Next is the Guinness campaign, and there’s a lot to like. The film blends the epic, sensational world that Guinness has inhabited for a long time but uses real people in real situations. It seems to prove the cliché that, however extraordinary the things we create in our heads might be, even more extraordinary things exist in the real world. I find the online documentary that accompanies the film the most interesting aspect. These things can feel quite self-indulgent (I have a hard time getting my family to listen for five minutes about how my day at a shoot was; I can’t imagine who would watch a single minute of a making-of about it), but the Sapeurs are such an exceptional bunch that, once you see the ad, it’s impossible not to want to hear more about them.

Now to the Army. Despite being a beardy liberal and working in an office, I’m very fond of the Army.

My family has been in the Army for generations and I think the work that they do is hard, important and completely misunderstood by most people. This is why I find the message and timing of this ad hard to take in. It looks like an attempt to turn a bad thing into a good one – a recruitment film showing the integration between reserve and full-time servicemen and servicewomen as the Army is suffering huge cuts (the ad came out as another 3,000 people were said to be made redundant). From a craft point of view, the ad is fine, well-shot and quite simple, if a bit long.

Finally, Schwartz. It’s simple and direct. On paper, the combination of exploding spices and bombastic music sounds really exciting, but watching it left me wanting something more. The whole thing is really elegant and quite clinical, and I wonder if a bit more mess wouldn’t have made this more exciting to watch.

Still, this is sterling work for only the third week in the year.

This may sound indelicate but, one way or another, we have been talking a lot of bollocks at Lucky Generals recently. I blame my partner Andy Nairn, who kicked off the year with a blog featuring giant goose gonads and swollen swans (yes, really). Then Danny Rogers devoted his first editorial of the year to a call for cojones in our industry. And, last week, we shared the news that we have picked up a brief from Britain’s ballsiest charity: the Male Cancer Awareness ±±¾©Èü³µpk10. So "thingies" are obviously our "thing", even if I don’t personally have any. But which ones of this week’s selection are the proverbial nuts?

Well, first up is a client with veritable balls of steel. As usual, the Army’s latest commercial shows brave young men and women on manoeuvre in exotic locations. And, as ever, there’s an additional message about the qualifications you can gain while in the forces. The communication is admirably straightforward and the film has the kind of energy you would expect. This Lucky General just feels that the final attack could have been a bit bolder, as with previous sorties.

Next up, it’s balls of joy. Cadbury and Fallon have not been shy in showing us their cojones over the years – big hairy ones, funny little wriggly ones, spotty and stripy ones, and plenty more besides. So their credentials "down there" are absolutely not in question. I’m just not sure that this execution is "up there". It’s a new line, though, so maybe the subsequent campaign will add a bit of colour.

Talking of which, it’s time for paintballs. Schwartz has filmed tons of herbs and spices exploding into the air to promote its range of Flavour Shots (no Freudian metaphors required). I applaud this attempt to introduce some much-needed colour and noise to the food sector. Yes, it’s reminiscent of the famous Sony Bravia ad (no, not the one with balls – the one with paint). But it still feels fresh in a very conservative category.

Now we come to the secret policeman’s balls. Crimestoppers has staged a clandestine operation to warn the public about pickpockets. The idea is brilliant: hire ex-offenders and magicians to put leaflets in people’s purses and pockets when they’re not looking. Having spent many years working on the Metropolitan Police account, I know how hard it is to change behaviour at the moment of truth, so I love this secret mission. In fact, it would pocket my pick of the week award if it weren’t for the final contender.

Yes, it’s old goldenballs. Or Guinness to you and me. This venerable brand has been a byword for bravery over the years. And its latest spot is truly great. As you will probably already know, the commercial focuses on the wonderful Congolese subculture of "Sapeurs". These modern dandies work hard in the daytime, only to turn on the style at night in truly extraordinary outfits. They are inspirational, mesmerising and – best of all – completely unknown over here. As such, they not only avoid the clichés that adland all too often applies to Africa, but they challenge our perceptions of a 254-year-old brand.

Now, of course, we can all gripe that some of our clients are not blessed with Guinness’ heritage or resources. But as the voice-over in this spot says: "You cannot always choose what you do, but you can always choose who you are." I can’t think of a better definition of balls. Can you?