
Sometimes I think it's the dirt that's holding my poor old VW Golf together. It was washed. Once.
As you can tell, I am not one of those proud petrol-heads who spends Sunday mornings buffing paintwork and toothbrushing alloys.
A car wash seems a frivolous expense, and besides, I have grown quite fond of my vehicle's battered charm. It worked for the Millennium Falcon.
But then I get a letter from Direct Line, who provide my car insurance.
Now I've always thought of insurance as basically a rip-off. Every year, you bet that your house will be struck by lightening, your luggage lost in Laos and your body beautiful ravaged by some hideous disease.
And you lose. Car insurance? You don't even have the option of not having it.
And what of the insurers themselves? Poor souls. They know that we just want to get away with paying as little as possible in exchange for maximum cover and superlative service. And no amount of wit from an animated bulldog will make us love them.
However, an appropriate, timely, modest gift could do the trick.
One of my favourite planners once coined the immortal phrase "sticks, carrots and chocolates". She referred to how brands engage with their customers.
A stick is a threat: do this now or you'll lose out. A carrot is of course a bribe: do this now and we'll give you something. You are no doubt familiar with both tactics.
But what of chocolates? These are a surprise treat with no strings attached - a way for the brand to show its loyalty to its customers.
In the case of Direct Line, it's a free car wash. And as we're writing to you, we'll throw in a car air freshener as well, Mr. Kershaw. Nice. Maybe my car smells as well. But I won't take it personally.
While I think it's a misnomer to refer to Direct Line and its customers having a "relationship", whatever they do have, at least the company is investing in it. Full marks for strategy.
Direct Line: 'makes me talk positively about insurance'
And the creative isn't bad. It won't trouble any awards juries, but at least it's neatly put together and the letter even has a signatory.
This isn't always the case with Direct Line, who for reason best known to themselves, often make their one-to-one communications as impersonal as possible.
When there are so many other much more entertaining topics of conversation, it takes a lot to get me talking positively about insurance, of all things.
Well done, Direct Line. Oh, and ta for the chocs.
Simon S Kershaw is a creative consultant. A former creative director at Craik Jones, Kershaw writes a weekly Creative Strategy column for marketingdirectmag.co.uk and the DM Bulletin