MONDAY.
Kevin "join the dots" Keane, my illustrious spotty book manager, is debriefing Pia (in his dreams).
What has she learnt from listening to the Etting legend in full cry?
She enthuses over my closing and objection-handling abilities. I closed Charles on a night of overage binge drinking at the Sussex, but that's about it. She's actually covering for me – bless!
TUESDAY.
It seems I have something approaching a conscience.
Decide to let Pia listen to an actual business call for a change.
Thought pitching a Swede would be a nice gesture. Unfortunately Mister Bo "Jangles" Lundquist must have got out the wrong side of his pine bed, and after he gives me a tirade of "hoody-doody" I lose the plot and start battering him à la Justin – prompting him to hang up. I reassure the ashen-faced Pia, "We go back years. Always have a bit of banter."
WEDNESDAY.
Fiona chasing me for closure on our Miserables rerun. She's thinking of The Woman in White instead – or was it The Woman in Black? As long as it's not The Lady in Red, I don't mind.
Foodtech "off the pace figs-wise", says Joe, who hauls us in for a bonecrunchingly dull two-hour training session. Bizard is stating his main problem as an inability to hold the prospect's attention when I nod off.
THURSDAY.
Field sales day and time for an extended lunch with Simeon Bowell, notorious ex-media buyer from Knoxley Crutchworth Stargate. He has something "big in the pipeline" and wants to factor me in. Last big thing in his pipeline earned him 18 months of learning Italian and improving his sewing. Tell him I'm pursuing a high-flying career with no time for extra-curriculars.
FRIDAY.
Bizard scores his first deal. He rings the bell and the "donger" comes off in his hand. There is muted applause interspersed with "who's that bloke?" He returns red-faced to our table and tells Pia she can now listen to him instead. Phil, Joe, Brian Lyon and Kevin say "first of many" to Bizard. I say "not necessarily" – perhaps not as encouraging, but certainly more realistic.
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