So, yes, this is my playlist. I’ve slightly terrified myself by having just listened to it again. You see, I didn’t just listen; I imagined my own personal pop video to accompany each track. As I said, terrifying.
Duran Duran – Rio
OK, here I’m on the prow of a clipper, in the Caribbean somewhere, dressed in multi-coloured silks. I’m a size 8. Simon LB just can’t keep his eyes off me. Le Bon and John Taylor (who is well jel) start having a punch-up. Meanwhile, Nick Rhodes saunters over, we hold hands and we dive elegantly into the turquoise waves like a pair of dolphins.
The Choir of Trinity College, Cambridge – Agnus Dei
I’m dead now. It’s my funeral and all the mourners are stunning, Alexander McQueened right up. Elt’s there. Bonnie Tyler is there – she’s sobbing. David Gandy is hugging the mirrored coffin. The choir boys all look a bit familiar. In fact, they all have the same Gary Barlow faces. Nick Rhodes is wearing a black veil.
Kate Bush – Breathing
I won a packet of Chewits when I was 12 for doing a Kate Bush impersonation (Babooshka). As the chorus kicks in – "What are we going to do? Let me breathe!" – obvs I’m now in a leotard and footless tights doing a Hot Gossip-style routine. Six guys are holding me aloft and I end up in a Zorb.
Grace Jones – Pull Up to the Bumper
So I’m like the Pied Piper, but in Prada. Strutting through the Southwark streets and people are following me, but it’s turned into some kind of weird Simon Says game and everyone is copying my actions. It embarrassingly changes into a YMCA kinda thing. I get arrested by the blonde one from Chips.
Blur – Parklife
We’re in Stoke Park, Guildford. Minxie, my cockerpoo, is miming the lead vocals. Other dogs join in. Pugs. Labs. Sausages. And the weird thing is, the animals are walking the humans. Have a go while you have a listen. I think I’ve either just invented a brilliant new game – or I’ve lost the plot.
Nicky Bullard is the chairwoman and chief creative officer of MRM McCann