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We are all used to that chant of ”Your call is important to us.”

Liars!

When you’re holding on the telephone, all it means is that the company

you’re calling has not bothered to invest in the level of customer service

needed to meet demand. What I really want to know is that my time is also

important to them, and that means answering the call quickly. Mostly, you

hear it when you’re already locked into a customer relationship with a

phone, cable or utility company.

Online, we keep being told, things will be different. You’ll never have to

put up with a Bell Atlantic telephone menu again, or sullen checkout

clerks like the ones at Rite Aid. Have you noticed how Rite Aid checkout

clerks seem to have been sent on courses to perfect their sullenness?

But it’s what many dot-coms rely on for most of their business -

attracting us away from the old way of doing things. Dot-com entrepreneurs

like to shout themselves hoarse about new rules and how companies that

cling to the old ways of doing things are going to end up as so much

debris.

So why does the web have its own equivalent of telephone menu hell? It’s

when you’re on a web site, on the point of buying something or about to

choose between two competing products or services, and you need that one

last question answered. You want the answer right now. On the phone. The

Contact Us section has a number, but it’s the main office number and

because it’s 7am on the West Coast, there’s no answer. The other phone

number is for a press officer. The ”Customer Service” button just pops up

an email window, so you try email.

A day later you’re still waiting for a reply.

Companies are so busy putting out press releases about personalized

experiences that they can’t be bothered to let their customers enjoy the

experience of talking to a real person. It’s the dirty little secret of

e-commerce.Unless you’re buying the simplest of commodity items and your

service requirements perfectly match those of some geek in Menlo Park,

it’s not that convenient.

It’s the sullen, on-screen equivalent of a Rite Aid clerk.

If this really is an opportunity to make things new then let’s see some

evidence, please. It’s not technology that makes customer service; it’s

the people who serve the customers that make it. So get serving!

- see Customer Service, page 82.