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One day I’ll have a time machine that’ll take the Mawhinney clan to

the Ivy for lunch, then to Old Trafford for tea and a kick about,

stopping off for a jam session at Abbey Road with Sir Paul on the way. I

don’t think that my ’one day’ will feature a visit to the Millennium

Dome somehow, despite the advertising which does its best to convince me

of its importance.

Unfortunately it feels like one of those artist’s impressions of a hotel

you used to get in holiday brochures, where the finished article

isn’t.

One of the voices explaining what they’d do ’one day’ reminded me of

that bit in Traffic’s Hole in my Shoe (Well at least Gerry Moira will

remember this) where a little girl witters, ’I climbed on the back of a

large albatross ...’ Sounds just like a visit to the Dome to me.

Then there’s the problem of what to do with it when next year is

over.

It would make a perfect film studio to shoot The Truman Show II which is

obviously what the Egg ad did. It does well in its spoof but leaves you

fairly unconvinced about the product benefits. A tad scrambled for

me.

Wherever I travel from now on I’ll take gallons of Edinburgh water with

me - it’s so soft you could almost wash your hair in it without any

shampoo at all. It’s the original wash and go. I’m such an old tart

about my soft shiny mop top that Richard Phillips, who we’ve just had a

most enjoyable shoot with and is someone who needs neither water nor

shampoo, once remarked about my hair that he was glad to see Pat

Jennings’ barber was still in gainful employment. So shame on me again,

because I have to admit I liked these Pantene ads.

They use the most beautiful people with beautiful hair and have created

a sort of Gap generation haircare ad. It’s a shame they couldn’t resist

the cut-away science bit, where an organic capsule opens to pour

something on a leaf. Perhaps it was a drop of Edinburgh water.

If Pantene was good old MTV style, then the series for Working Family

Tax Credit was good old British sitcom at its very best. The series of

ads, getting people in odd jobs to pass on the information that even

lower paid families can get extra financial help, was brilliantly cast,

written and directed. While I like the wrestlers playing table tennis,

my favourite is the ’hot dog’ telling a rather bemused family about the

benefits, only to be chastised by his ’burger’ workmate in a shopping

centre. Almost as good as Rodney and Del dressed up as Batman and

Robin.

I hope it’s not because I’ve moved even further north but I couldn’t

quite get into the London Pride print work. I didn’t quite buy into the

TV ads when I was in London, mind you, but I do like the visuals and the

rugby puns and, with the World Cup coming up, I thought some of them

were quite funny. We’ve been trying to do some Rugby World Cup ads as

well and it makes you realise how lucky Heinz was with the shape of its

beans when it did that wonderful rugby sponsorship press campaign.

The other print campaign was the very elegant and minimalist Stella

Artois work. Thankfully its still using ’reassuringly expensive’ so all

credit to client and agency for holding on. I’m still a big fan of the

’My shout, he whispered’ campaign which had more charm and wit, I

believe, but it’s great to see how the work has moved on so

effortlessly.

See you all at the Ivy one day, I’m sure. I’m off to wash my hair.

New Millennium Experience Company

Project: The Millennium Dome

Client: Sholto Douglas-Home, marketing and communications director

Brief: Bring the Dome experience to life

Agency: M&C Saatchi

Writer: Angela Jones

Art director: David

Graham-Dao

Director: Malcolm Venville

Production company: Malcolm Venville Productions

Exposure: National TV

Whitbread

Project: Stella Artois

Client: Stuart McFarlane, marketing manager

Brief: Promote Stella Artois in bottles

Agency: Lowe Howard-Spink Creative team: Andy Amadeo, Mick Mahoney

Photographer: Jenny Van Sommers Typographers: Andy Amadeo, Mick Mahoney

Exposure: Magazines

Procter & Gamble

Project: Pantene haircare range

Client: n/s

Brief: Beauty through health

Agency: Grey Writer: Beth Crowe

Art director: Roger Kilmartin

Director: Peggy Sirota Production company: HIS Productions

Exposure: National TV

Prudential Banking

Project: Egg credit card

Client: Tony Williams, brand and communications director

Brief: Launch Egg’s credit card

Agency: HHCL & Partners

Project team: Dominic Stinton, Mark Piper, John Parking, James Spence

Director: Frank Todaro Production company: @radicalmedia

Exposure: National TV

COI

Project: Working Families Tax Credit

Client: n/s

Brief: Maximise the take-up of Better Deal for Working Parents

Agency: St Luke’s

Writer: Chris Wright

Art director: Jules Chalkey

Director: Russell Bates

Production company:

Cowboy Films

Exposure: National TV

Fullers Smith & Turner

Project: London Pride

Client: John Roberts, beer and brands director

Brief: Inextricably link the London Pride brand with the Rugby World Cup

Agency: Doner Cardwell Hawkins

Writer: Chris Kirk

Art director: Ivan Davies

Illustrator: ’Stick’ at Up to Scratch Typographer: Steve Kettel

Exposure: Rugby World, Daily Telegraph, Evening Standard

Billy Mawhinney is creative director of Faulds Advertising.