Eeek-a-mouse, it’s Hallowe’en. The spookiest, creepiest, scariest night
of the year. Am I afraid? Not on your nelly. I’m scared of nothing, me.
I drink tap water. I eat white sliced bread. But if I happened to be a
French exchange student called Sebastien, I’d probably be pooping my
pantaloons, Hallowe’en or no Hallowe’en.
Why? Because I’d have just upset Big Ray Gardner, senior sales executive
for Blackcurrant Tango. Big mistake, Sebastien. Big bloke, Ray Gardner
(I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buddha).
The net result of Ray’s raised ire is the TV commercial of the year: the
finest monologue this side of Henry V, the largest shorts all sides of
George Foreman and the sort of soundtrack that’ll have Johnny French
quaking in his fancy loafers. Let’s hope Big Ray takes his crusade to
the stage of the Grosvenor House Hotel to personally collect the huge
pile of trophies he has coming to him in ’97. Bet you don’t like the
taste of humble pie either, do you Sebastien?
Up until its bloody daft ending, the Audi A3 ad gave me the willies.
And, appropriate as that may seem for Ghoulies Night, I have to say the
willies are something I have no intention of ever receiving, thank you.
This is a Boddingtons film without the accents. How they resisted the
temptation to have the driver blurting out: ‘Aye up, chuck. Call that a
helmet?’, I’ll never know.
Following the boy Hurford’s magnificent Galaxy van commercial for Young
and Rubicam last year, it seems that Ford advertising is finally being
decriminalised. I remember the days when possession of a rough-cut for a
Focus on Ford infomercial carried a five-year stretch. (Pity they’ve
rescinded the death penalty for dealers, though.) If this ’ere Lily
Savage Ford Escort ad is anything to go by, the rehabilitation is
continuing apace at Ogilvy and Mather as well. Do sort out your endline
though, won’t you, lads? Moira got there years ago.
Kids. Why is it that whenever I write this column I get children? I’ve
tried wearing a condom over me Pentel, but to no avail. More bloody
sprogs. This week’s new heads on the block come courtesy of Tesco. Sure
enough, they’re adver-children and consequently bear no resemblance
whatsoever to their wailing, dribbling, noisy, real-life counterparts.
And, much as I like the headlines, I’m baffled as to why yet another art
director has fallen for the archaic ‘kiddies’ handwritten back-to-front-
back-to-skool style of typography. If that idea comes in my back garden
again, I’ll burst it.
And another thing. Why do kids always ask why? It’s never who, what,
when or how, is it?
Always ‘why?’ I witnessed a young mother being mercilessly interrogated
on the bus recently. ‘Why are we going to the park?’ ‘To feed the
ducks.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because they’re hungry.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Why what?’ ‘Why are
the ducks hungry?’ ‘Because they are.’ ‘Why?’
After a good ten minutes of this quality banter, came the denouement.
‘Mummy?’ Pause for effect, ‘Why is a tree?’ (One passenger committed
suicide, the rest of us held our breath.) Why is a TREE? Why is a bloody
TREE? What do you do when your beloved offspring turns into a cross
between Jean-Paul Sartre and the captain of Manchester United? Buy him
some Play-Doh, I suppose. He might get his own double-page spread in
Parenting. These are great. Big, bold, bright, colourful postery sort of
press ads. And not a back-to-front R in sight. Why can’t all kids’ ads
be this good? Why, why, why?
Finally, here’s a fashion tip for autumn. Stop wearing brown. All of
you. Stop it now. It’s not cool, it’s not clever and it doesn’t make you
look big. It makes you look...brown.
Ahhh Bisto. Oh. Julie Walters. Why is Julie Walters?
Trevor Beattie is the creative director of TBWA
Tesco stores
Project: Kids’ clothing
Clients: Helen McCarthy, marketing controller, John Leaman, product
manager
Brief: Take the ‘every little helps’ attitude into kids’ clothing
Agency: Lowe Howard-Spink
Writer: Damien Keene
Art director: Don Barclay
Photographer: Frank Herholdt
Typographer: Simon Warden
Exposure: National posters
Ford
Project: Escort
Client: Paul Philpot, brand manager
Brief: Show that the Ford Escort is as individual as the customer
Agency: Ogilvy and Mather
Writer: Mick French
Art director: Henry Rossiter
Directors: Paul Gay, Steve Reeves
Production company: Blink
Exposure: National TV
Britvic Soft Drinks
Project: Blackcurrant Tango
Clients: David Atter, marketing manager, Jeremy Crisp, senior brand
manager
Brief: Communicate the ‘charge’ of real blackcurrants in Blackcurrant
Tango
Agency: Howell Henry Chaldecott Lury
Project team: Chas Bayfield, Jim Bolton, David O’Hanlon, Minnie Moll
Director: Colin Gregg
Production company: Eclipse
Exposure: National TV
Bisto Foods
Project: Bisto
Client: Ian Ayling, marketing controller
Brief: Extend usage of Bisto into mid-week meals and launch ready-to-
pour Bisto
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: Mary Wear
Art director: Damon Collins
Director: Theo Delaney
Production company: Tomboy Films
Exposure: National TV
Audi UK
Project: Audi A3
Client: Neil Burrows, head of marketing
Brief: Show that the Audi is the sports hatchback for people with
nothing to prove
Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty
Writer: Roger Beckett
Art director: Andy Smart
Director: Danny Kleinman
Production company: Limelight
Exposure: National TV
Hasbro
Project: Play-Doh
Client: Sarah Olsen, marketing manager
Brief: Revive interest in Play-Doh
Agency: BST-BDDP
Writer: Tom Hudson
Art directors: Martin Galton, Gary Denham
Photographer: Laurence Haskell
Exposure: National magazines
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