±±¾©Èü³µpk10

We are all so obsessed with what we do. We talk about it. We scrutinise it. We dissect it. We write entire publications about it. We give each other accolades for it. We spend a week in the south of France celebrating it every year. We seek it out. We live for it. We even call "it" an art form.

Sadly, no-one else does. They despise it. They dislike it. They feel bothered by it. Interrupted by it. They are annoyed with it. If given a chance, they’ll skip it. They’ll block it. In fact, if they could, they would never look at it ever again.

There is some irony in there, which I am not clever enough to put into words, but here is my attempt to see it the way they do.

I’m skipping through the entire ad break at 30x speed and, although I try to time it perfectly, I jump the gun and press "play" too early. I’m in the middle of an ad with a girl in the Royal Air Force (4). I think about fast-forwarding again but I can’t be bothered. I stick around, half-paying attention. The pilot girl is badass. And looks like she’s having a great time. It’s something to do with a job. Sounds nice. I always wanted to be a pilot like the guys in Top Gun.

Straight after, there are some car mechanics watching TV instead of working. Honda (5) is sponsoring this film is what it says. It’s the fourth time I hear that this evening. It’s starting to grind on me. Conan the Barbarian comes back on – Schwarzenegger is midway through slaying people. I forget those ads quicker than I zoomed past the ad break.

Next evening, on my way back home from work, I spot some posters on the Tube as my train is delayed. They’re telling me to get out more and Bookatable (3). I get momentarily offended by the posters implying that I stay on the sofa too long. I then get annoyed with myself for getting annoyed with an ad.

At home, I put the TV on. An ad for Homepride (2) sticky sauce comes on. That 3D dude looks creepy and so does the family. I recognise that music from somewhere else. Where was it again?

Next morning at work, scrolling down my Facebook feed, I see a sponsored video of a little animated character dancing around. I stop at it for a few seconds and read the subtitles without sound. It’s for the NSPCC (1). A cute crocodile tells me not to show my private parts to strangers. "There are some horrible people in the world,"I think, as I continue to scroll down and stop at a video of a cat falling asleep.

The world is a terrifying place right now. A place where moronic ads follow us around the interwebs, trying to sell us stuff we’ve already bought a month ago. A place where industry commentators seriously suggest that ads like these can replace genuine creativity. But, most of all, a place where a megalomaniac in a toupee stands a chance of getting his finger on the nuclear button. 

Yes, this is The Age of the Donald (so called because if he gets in, we’ll all be Donald Ducked). Times like these remind us bleeding-heart liberals that our opinions aren’t always shared by others. So, this week, I’m going to strain every sinew of my latte-drinking, Brompton-riding, Scandi-noir-watching being and consider what Mein Trumpf might make of these ads.

Let’s start with the ROYAL AIR FORCE (4). It has created a campaign positioning a career in the service as "no ordinary job". From my ivory tower in adland, my only quibble is that the creative approach is rather ordinary: a familiar montage of young people performing exciting roles in exotic locations. But I suspect a kid in a tower block might find the formula more compelling. It features lots of military hardware, so I think the Royal Hair Force would approve.

Next up is Honda (5) with some sponsorship spots. Idents are tricky because of the need to create lots of variations, using short time-spaces, typically on a small budget. They sometimes suffer in comparison with the main campaign and that’s arguably a problem here, given this brand’s canon of great work. But these idents do have a strong, media-specific idea: "Even progress needs a break." I think The Tangerine Twat would approve of this sentiment.

Now, here’s Bookatable (3) with a campaign encouraging people in London to eat out more. The ads look striking enough (I’ve noticed them on the Underground, in real life, which is always a good sign). I also really like the line "Get out more" – it’s got a nice bit of edge, which would have been easy to tone down. I’m just not sure the individual headlines quite nail the core thought. I imagine the Wiggy Wanker would be suspicious of the campaign’s cosmopolitan philosophy too – although, to be fair, at least there’s no Mexican food on the menu.

Moving on, I reckon the pick of this week’s bunch is the NSPCC’s (1) film about child abuse, starring a cast of cartoon dinosaurs. I’m tempted to make a comment about a prehistoric monster who has often said he’d date his own daughter but (unlike some of the characters in this ad) I wouldn’t stoop so low. Inappropriate joking aside, the great thing about this campaign is that it treats this very serious issue with just the right lightness of touch. And the song is very catchy. With my industry hat on, I have a slight niggle that the whole thing is somewhat derivative of "Dumb ways to die" but I reckon Melania’s speech-writer would argue that originality isn’t everything.

Finally, an ad starring a larger-than-life white guy with a big head. Who loves America. And stands for "Homepride (2)". Most ominously of all, it’s from a company called Premier Foods. Like I say: the world is a terrifying place right now.