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I’m trying to resist it, but I feel a New Year’s resolution or two

coming on. This is folly, of course, because there is nothing that mocks

like an old, invariably broken, New Year’s resolution. Grown-ups should

know better than to make them. My Filofax has a five- year-old one

lurking in its pages: ’Get to 14 stone and stay there’. Fat chance.

There are others too embarrassing to relate in a family magazine.

You will have noticed this isn’t any old New Year. It’s the Y2Kock-Up,

with all the heavy significance and doom-mongering this mercifully

infrequent event entails.

Of course, it’s all going to be a catastrophic flop, like the Cornish

eclipse. According to a recent survey, more than 80% of the population

is planning to batten down the hatches at home (boosting the viewing

figures, thank goodness), and wait until the whole pitiful thing is

over.

Maybe they fear that deranged computer chips will destroy the world at

the stroke of midnight, but - let’s be honest - won’t it be dull if, as

I suspect, nothing at all goes wrong? And speaking as someone whose life

expectancy - at its rosiest - may just stretch to the first 3% of the

next thousand years, all talk of the new millennium is for me, at any

rate, somewhat over-optimistic.

I don’t suppose William the Conqueror’s dad spent much time worrying

about the 1990s as he watched his digital alarm clock flip into the year

1000.

That said, you cannot help thinking that this most portentous calendar

change merits at least some sort of stiffening of the backbone - a

resetting of the compass. The question is, what?

I shall restrict myself to marcoms, and leave world peace and weightier

matters to those better qualified to pronounce on such things. Here

goes, then ...

Stop using the word ’strategic’ when what you really mean is ’good’.

Strategic media planning is not some arcane ’ology’. It’s doing it

properly.

Halve the number of words on presentation charts ... then halve them

again.

Stop bullshitting and cut to the chase.

Listen: the end of the 20th century has overdosed on babble, the huge

proportion of which is entirely useless. Stop babbling and listen

more.

Think before answering the media brief. Don’t reach straight for the TGI

or the NRS. They don’t have ideas, they support them.

Demand media input into creative briefing. Gone are the days when the

creative director said ’I see this as 60- second telly’ and the media

people drew up a plan.

Give advertisers what they need, as well as what they want - not always

the same thing.

Make greater use of ’sample of one’ research. In other words, trust your

own experience and judgement. You’re a consumer, too.

Embrace the digital revolution - it ain’t going away.

Remember - we play in an orchestra: advertising is not a solo

performance.

Remember to have fun (and to hell with 14 stone).

I may need your help with these as my resolutions track record isn’t too

good. Meanwhile, a very happy Christmas and a bug-free New Year to you.