Culture vulture
Bitch would like to start this week with a little culture from her tree-hugging friend Felix Dennis.
Not only does he set his poetry on unsuspecting print buyers who have the misfortune to be put on hold by the sales team at his publishing empire Dennis Publishing (they use it instead of hold music), he has also now turned his poetry on the crowd at News International.
Bitch was sent an example of it this week and would like to share it with the group.
Oh, do not call them vultures...
Oh, do not call them vultures, for vultures love dead meat
And rarely don disguises or lurk across the street.
Not so the tabloid journalist, who craves his victims fresh,
To feed a willing multitude that lusts for living flesh.
Oh, do not call them jackals, such epithets are crude;
A journo slays for shillings, a jackal hunts for food.
No more are they hyenas; hyenas do not laugh
While nosing through their vomit bag for one last paragraph.
Oh, do not call them leeches, they've heard all that before –
And leeches have their uses; they gorge upon a war
They worship trains derailing, they feast on plague or flood,
And if ignored (the horror!), they fade for lack of blood.
Oh, do not point the finger; who made them what they are?
Who built the Sun and Mirror, the Screw You and the Star?
No patient in a cancer ward excoriates their nurse –
The blame lies in our appetite: for scandal, or for worse!
Felix, darling, stick to the day job…
Culture vulture (part deux)
Talking of art, news comes to Bitch that her favourite rock 'n' roll Rolling Stones bad boy Ronnie Wood has gone all culture vulture on us. He joins perennial Glastonbury luvvie (Bitch loves you darling, but hunter wellies are so last season) Jo Whiley, with both having their own music series on Sky Arts this February.
Ronnie's star seems to be in the ascendant after bagging himself a couple of awards at the Arqiva Commercial Radio awards, including specialist programme of the year and newcomer of the year for his Absolute Radio show.
Bitch has always been a bit of a groupie but, sadly, she thinks that she may be a little old for the 64-year-old rocker.
Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of...beer?
Bitch always likes to hear about a bit of team bonding, and the new kid on the media block (although headed by the glamorous UK commercial director Bobi Carley) Disneymedia+ believes in the team ethos.
Bitch hears, from one of her contacts, that one of her favourite sales teams went out this week for a bonding exercise that involved them marketing their own beer.
Just as long as they didn’t stagger out looking like the Disney hero Captain Jack Sparrow after tasting one too many "samples" in the name of "research", Bitch is happy.
Although this lady has a sneaking suspicion some of them might have.
Horrible Bosses
Bitch knows that some of you may have read the Media Week story this week, but as she punted it in to the boys, she thought it was good enough for a repeat for those who missed it.
Earlier this week, Global Radio put out a YouTube viral based on a prank played on its sales team by producer Susie Lochiel and business solutions manager Tash Hampson, to draw attention to the release of Warner Bros film 'Horrible Bosses'.
The pair created a fake consultancy, which was announced to the sales team by Mike Gordon, managing director of commercial at Global Radio.
The consultancy then acted like the ‘Horrible Bosses’ of the film’s title and instructed staff via email, including messages such as: "what's with the Facebook usage?", "web surfing is only procrastination" and "9am means computer is on, hand on mouse", much like some of the bosses Bitch has had in the past.
Global's staff weren’t all that forgiving and hit back with internal emails filled with content such as: "OMG – can you believe this?", "what a bunch of a***holes" and "I don't want to work for c*cks like these" – the language darlings, the language.
The borderline mutiny was only stopped in its tracks when, thinking they were being dragged into a quarterly meeting, the Global Radio sales staff were faced with the true identity of the consultancy firm at the Odeon Leicester Square, where the prank was revealed by stars of the film Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis.
A sheepish looking Susie admitted to trying to "prank" the entire sales team, while Tash said: "We basically wanted then to think that they were going to get some of their own horrible bosses."
Well, Bitch hears from Global Towers that the tables are about to be turned on the girls, who seem to think they’ve got away with it, and she’ll be happy to fill you all in in the next few weeks, should it come off.
Until next time darlings, ciao. xxx
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